i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
