Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How external is "for external use only"?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
