Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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