you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
