I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
