Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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