I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
