Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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