Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
