There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize