Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
