found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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