I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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