Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
