We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
