Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
