I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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