About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
