Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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