Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
