i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
