i can't believe i had my finger in that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
