Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
