you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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