I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
