I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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