So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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