is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sarcasm needs its own font
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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