im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
