Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
