just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize