When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
