I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
