Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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