god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
