I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
