i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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