I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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