APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
