I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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