Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
