I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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