Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
