my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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