He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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