Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
