Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
