love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
