here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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