Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
