i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
