So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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