If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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