haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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