It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
