put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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