Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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