im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
