Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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