theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
