Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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