dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
