He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
