the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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