ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
