so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
