Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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