apparently the secret to your success is patron
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
false alarm. still invincible.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
