actually, I'm a sock model
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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