Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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