idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she peed on how many people?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
