sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
