that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
