I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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