At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
