no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
