Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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