I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
