Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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