Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
