I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
